The Effects of Crack on Juunishi
by fadextoxblack
Summary: One wild night, filled with randomness and killing sprees. And maniacal laughing. Not for those with weak constitutions or lack of humor. ONESHOT


**Whoo! Story numero dos! I'm so excited! This one turned out pretty well, though it's about totally random things. This might as well be dedicated to my best fuzzy friend, Brenna. Her silly stories for The Big Yellow Bus inspired me to write this, as well as her death threats for me not posting anything on FanFiction. Thanks, Bee!**

**I have noticed that I may have-… well insulted a few people here, so I truly apologize to any Japanese people or anyone taking antidepressants. My point of this story was to attempt to make you laugh, not bring anyone down. So I'm mighty sorry abou' that.**

**Also, in the story, I refer to a character called Juste. That is me! Pretty weird to write about yourself in third person, huh? Oh well. And, to clear things up: I have not fallen out of a tree, been in a coma, or suffered brain damage.**

**Another thing, here's my disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket. I merely play with the characters. Or Drew Carey from Whose Line Is It Anyway?. You'll see what I mean later.**

**Now, with no further ado, I present to you my latest creation! **

"_HOW COME EVERY TIME YOU COME AROUND MY LONDON LONDON BRIDGE WANNA GO DOWN ," _Yuki screamedat the top of his lungs, taking off his shirt and pouring melted cheese down his chest and in his pants. It was **CHEDDAR** and **PROVOLONE**. AND **COLBY JACK**, with the **SPICY LITTLE THINGIES IN IT**.

**HATSY** the deranged emo cow, figured this was gonna be a long night.

And **HATSY **was right, not because he had **ESP **or anything, but because The-Stupid-Little-Outcast-Who-Sits-In-The-Corner-At-A-Party-So-People-Think-He's-Emo-But-He's-Actually-Not-Because-He-Takes-His-Zoloft-Like-A-Good-Little-Boy Kid told him so. I'm pretty sure that last sentence was a run-on; but it's not like anybody cares.

BECAUSE NOBODY CARES ABOUT **MY **NEEDS!

THAT'S THE END OF IT! I'M LEAVING!

Juste leaves in a huffy manner, attempting the exit the room **GRACEFULLY**. But she trips over the big bucket of fish guts, and ends up dumping them on **KURENO.**

HAHA. **STUPID KURENO.**

So, yeah. That's the end of Juste. Oh well.

The party continues, a frenzy of carrots-dipped-in-motor-oil eating, and highlighter ink guzzling.

**YESSIREE, KIDS, YOU HEARD RIGHT: HIGHLIGHTER GUZZLIN'. THE NEWEST TREND IN JAPAN THAT'S SWEEPIN' THE NATION.**

Haha. Hiro got a **PURPLE **one. **PURPLE'S THE GAYEST COLOR OF THEM ALL.**

After that, everybody got bored. So they started doing karaoke.

"_HOW COME EVERY TIME YOU COME AROUND MY LONDON LONDON BRIDGE WANNA GO DOWN,"_

That's all the zodiac knew from the song, and they still sounded weird with their squeaky lil' Japanese voices.

The door was flung open, and out came two Victorian Hooker-like things, dressed in only frilly lace corsets and petticoats, their arms hooked with some 17th-century-style-dressed pimp. Or maybe it as a rapper.

He grabbed a microphone that was sticking out of Momiji's bunny ear and began to rap. It sounded something like this:

Alonzo the 17th Century Rapper sings the first part, and the hooker things interject with a "what".

It goes a little like this:

"London bridge **_AIN'T _**fallin down-"

"_WHAT?"_

"Fallin down-"

"_WHAT?"_

"Fallin down-"

"_WHAT?"_

"London Bridge **AIN'T **fallin' down-"

"_WHAT?"_

"My fair _BITCHES!"_

Can you guess what song that is?

If you can, then _**A BAGAZILLION POINTS FOR YOU!**"_

After snacking on their h'orduerves (however the **_FRICK _**you spell that) the gang got hungry!

_**OH NO! **_

It was terrible, because they had run out of hot sauce!

So Hatori decided to make a nice, warm bowl of **_OCTOPUS GUTS_** for them. Ain't that sweet?

Yuki pulled out an unsightly puke-colored yellow bowl with flowers on it, and started dropping lumps of chicken-flavored cookie dough in it. Kagura decided to mix in ketchup and mayonnaise, topped off with a bit of relish. Kagura was very fond of her condiments. After all, her motto was,

"Have a safe lunch; use condiments!"

Haru poured **_CHOCOLATE MILK_** in the mixture. **WHAT A SILLY MOO!**

Octopus guts aren't made with **_CHOCOLATE MILK! _**They're made with **_ORANGE MILK!_**

When it was finally ready, the mixture was poured into a conveniently-placed flower pot, 'cause no one had thought to bring a Super Duper Magical Octopus Making Pan!

Hatori set the timer for 4 hours.

The family assembled out of the kitchen, continuing on with the party, in wait until the guts were done.

But no one knew that halfway through the party, the guts were already done. Uh oh! They had forgotten that Octopus Guts only take **TWO HOURS** to make, not four!

So at a quarter past googazoo, the guts were overcooked and too crispy, then they started to burn, and soon enough they caught on fire. The Sohmas were in **BIG** trouble. Everybody knows that Octopus Guts are the most flammable things on the face of the planet!

Haha. Stupid animals. The aliens that were watching this from the windows knew that the Sohmas were doomed to die. It would happen any minute.

Then out of nowhere, Hatsy decided to play some fill-in-the-blacks game! He started to sing:

"_OLD MACDONALD HAD A FARM! E-I-E-I-O! AND ON THAT FARM HE HAD A….."_

"_MASSACRE!"_ screamed Rin, the other deranged emo.

Randomly, Kureno said the first thing all night, "OH MY EFFING GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! WE LEFT THE OCTOPUS IN THE OVEN TOO LONG!"

Everyone laughed. They loved listening to Kureno and his tall tales. Poor Sohmas! They didn't know what was comin' !

Then everything randomly **_EXPLODED_**, leaving nothing but bits and pieces of each Zodiac member. How sad.

But, up from where she was safely perched in the big maple tree, Juste saw everything. And you know what she did? She started to **_LAUGH_**. She laughed and laughed, filled with glee that they were dead. They had been nothing other than mere puppets to her, something she could screw around (not literally, you perv) with, making stupid jokes and teasing them. Juste was unaware that the branch wasn't too stable so it _SNAPPED _and she fell from the tall tree.

No, not to her death. But to a coma. And brain damage. I **_KNEW _**you wanted me to say death, but too bad!

Then she lived **HORRENDOUS**-**LY WELL **ever after.

**THE END**

**A/N: So, what'd you think? Tell me, and I might use any constructive comments for further work. Thanks!**

**invisible gnomes ate my ramen**


End file.
